I recommend to everyone to get sick in their lifetime.  Seriously sick.  Hopefully without long term consequences, and definitely surviving in the end - but try at least once to get a diagnosis that evokes more fear in others than you feel within yourself.

The personal reflection and the subsequent "new outlook" on life that is brought on by a serious diagnosis had been described ad nauseam.  What is less commonly known is the social rearrangement that occurs when you go "public" with a disease.  Initial sympathies give way to two basic, equally surprising reactions:  Half the people you thought were completely on your side just back away, in best cases afraid of being hurt by your pain or the possibility of losing you - a natural reaction for someone with strong geniune feelings towards you, and at worst, to protect themselves from being in a position to be asked for help.  On the flip side, half the people you barely knew, people who were in the "just regular friends" category suddenly become your best friends.  They actively seek out communication with you, and give help at every corner.  Again, in the best case scenario, these people are taking the opportunity to become a closer friend, something they've wanted to do, and now they see a real possibility of not getting that chance any more.  In the worst scenario, they are scoring points with their personal god, or simply following a moral teaching about helping the sick and go home patting themselves on the back about it. 

All this reshuffling completely changed my life.  I've discovered close friends I've never known I had.  I flushed a few friends i thought were close to me down the toilet.  And for the less clearcut cases, Im still the same - trying not to judge until I know for sure - not only the reaction of the person, but what motivated that person towards that particular reaction to the news of my illness.

And then there is a third category of people that I just don't understand.  These people pop into my life and infrequent, irregular intervals and collect information.  During those appearances they share very little about themselves.  But they do ask a lot of questions.  After their curiousity has been satisfied they disappear into the oblivion until their next reappearance, lest they be the last to know of a new development.  I'm really not sure what to make of these people.  Is it their way of showing concern?  Am I a fool to honestly reveal to them all the answers they seek, knowing that having fed upon the information they'll once again  become invisible in my life?  I dont know what it is that causes them to be this way.  But I know what its not.  Its not genuine attachment.  Its not genuine care.  Even if they root for me, I'm like a TV show to be tuned to once in a while.  And this one-way information exchange is fooling nobody.  And if you think that for one second I don't notice your closed heart in response to my open one, think again.  Yes, you, chipmunkface.  I know you're reading this.